Life is still going on...

I know I have been gone from here for a little while.  We are living now in Gilcrest, Colorado with a good friend of mine Joe Mallard.  He is helping us get our life together. The girls started school yesterday and it's till hard for me to believe that the girls are both in high school.  It is also hard to believe that Ashleigh only has 3 more years of school then she will be off to collage.  Every time I think of these things it make me feel old, it also, make me wonder have I done a good job at raising them.  Will they be successful young adults and adults.  I hope they don't make some of the same intake that I have made in my life.

As for the other issue in our life right now.  I don't know if David is still going to try and take the girls from me. I'm not as worried other than I can't get an attorney down in waco to return any of my phone calls.  It's very frustrating!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!  I feel like I am being punished just because I moved out of the state. I wonder if anyone else has this same problem after moving from the state where their divorce was filed?  I feel that the only reason David is doing this is because he wants to hurt me and the only way he can do that is by taking my children from me and then to turn them against me. Before I had my girls, becoming a Mother was the only thing I wanted in the world.  My girls are my life, they are my reason I get up every morning, and they are the breath in my lungs.  

I'm still waiting to hear about my disability case. In the meantime I am working hard to start up my own jewelry business.  I have been working on making my own jewelry designs to sell around where I live and online.  Keep checking in because in my blog I will be keeping everyone posted about how that is going.

Hey let me know if anyone is even reading my blogs.  Enjoy every day as if it's your last. 

The Good, The Bad, and The Ugly

Okay I know I have not posted on here in a few months.  My life has had some changes over the last few months.  About a month ago my friend Joe Mallard offered for us to move up to Gilcrest with him in his basement.  Shortly after that Ashleigh went down to spend some time with her father in Texas.  I then got a call from her father that if I did not give him Ashleigh then he was going to take me to court and take all three kids from me.
I asked Ashleigh if that was what she wanted and at first she told me that she wanted to live with me, then David told her that if she didn't move down there he was going to take me to court and take all three of them.

I will finish later...

That point in time...

You know there is a point in time in everyone's life when you realize that no matter what you are going through, someone has it a lot worse.

Yesterday evening I was sitting in the truck waiting for my husband to get off work and there were these two young men that were trying to hitchhike going east.  I figured they didn't have any money and I had what was left of Robert's and my lunch from Chester's Chicken.  I hollered at them and asked if they were hungry and they both said YES!  so i gave them our lunch.  I also, told them that right now DOT is doing their 72 hour inspection for the Truck Drivers and that they would not find a ride with Truck Drivers right now.  I also, told them that Colorado is one of the worse states to hitchhike in because it was illegal here.  It felt good to help someone else out.  All I asked of them is that when they got to wherever they were going that they Pay if Forward.  Watching and talking to them made me thankful for everything I have and not worry about what I have lost.

On to other news....

The other night a old friend Joe Mallard called me and offered his basement for us to live.  he only asked that we help out with utilities.  That is better than the Motel we are living in where we would be spending over $2000 a month.  So on Saturday we are moving up to Gilcrest, CO.  Robert will continue to work at Love's in Bennett until they can transfer him up to Hudson.  We are still keeping the Cattle ranch dream alive and I am looking for somewhere we can keep our horses up near Greeley.

So next time you think your life is horrible and that you don't think you can handle it just remember that there is someone out there who has it a lot worse than you and that whatever you are going through gives you the opportunity to rise above whatever it is and take that chance.  I hope someone is out there reading me.  I look forward to comments...  

My Messy Life: That point in time...

My Messy Life: That point in time...: You know there is a point in time in everyone's life when you realize that no matter what you are going through, someone has it a lot wo...

Living Homeless. Dealing scam artists.

Well the move is over and we are living in a motel room. I put an ad on Craig's List for a family needing to find a place to live. All I have been getting back are scams. Why would someone prey on a family or an individual that are down on their luck. That I just shows me how cruel people can be. I am losing my faith in the human race. I am on the verge of a nervous breakdown.  We are having to hide some of our animals so we don't lose the motel room we are staying in. Right now we are in a one bed motel room our kids are staying at a friends house. I don't know what to do. I know that if I was in a better place I would help a family that was in the position we are in. I set up a Gofundme.com account to try and raise money and even that is falling on deaf ears and blind eyes. 

Some Good News that is also, Sad at the same time.

Okay it's that time of year again where parents are reminded just how fast their kids are growing up.  This whole year she has not been doing well in some of her classes and there was talk of holding her back next year.  We are parents that are real active in our kids school and their grades.  In saying that, if our girls are failing a class they are grounded until that grade comes up and if they are held back the next year they are grounded for the entire next school year...  I know there are people out there that would say that is too harsh.  When we got the first report card this year and we saw that Gabbi was failing one of her classes she was grounded.  Then by the first report card of this second semester she was failing three classes.  We explained to her that she was running out of time and that if she did not fix this, we would ground her for the entire next year.  She started working hard and in short time had brought up to of her classes grades...  There was one class that she just could not bring up no matter how are she worked at it.  I had her tested to see if she needed extra help in that class.

After the testing it was discovered that she did have a problem with Reading Retention.  However, the Special Education department decided that her problem was not bad enough to be in Special Education.  We continued to work hard in helping her to bring up her grade.  She was able to bring it up a little and we were worried that she was going to be held back.  I called the school this morning to find out about some dines she had, and they let me know that she will be going on to the next grade.  

I know that there are a lot of school districts that don't mark moving from the eighth grade to the ninth grade with a ceremony.  The Bennett School District in Bennett, Colorado does.  There was talk that she would not be able to be in the ceremony because of a fine for a book.  Anyways, to make a very long story short I called the school today to straighten everything out and to find out if Gabbi was going to be held back and I got confirmation that she is moving on to high school next year.

After I got off the phone with this news I started thinking "My Baby Girl is moving on to high school and growing up too quickly!"  Gabbi is my youngest and now all three of my girls are in high school.  It feels like just yesterday they were still in diapers.  I'm very proud of her, I'm very proud of all the kids.  Next year both girls will be home schooled, which I hope will help Gabbi out.

It seems everything is slowly coming together.  I can feel the stress amping up a little as we deal with the final week before we have to move.  Yesterday I rented the storage unit and put reservations on our motel room for three nights.  I am meeting with Craig Curl to work on getting the business plan done for the ranch.  I just have to keep a positive attitude and things will work out.

One thing that is having to go away is Shazi our Min Pin puppy.  She is too hyper to be in a motel and for her own sake we are selling her.  Its sad yet I know that she will be loved and happy.  Well that is all my news for today...

My Messy Life: I woke up today! Its a GOOD DAY!!!!

My Messy Life: I woke up today! Its a GOOD DAY!!!!: Good Morning All! It may be gray and cold outside however, I have a new prospective on life.  I talked to the FSA today and it really looks...

I woke up today! Its a GOOD DAY!!!!

Good Morning All!
It may be gray and cold outside however, I have a new prospective on life.  I talked to the FSA today and it really looks like things are going to be okay.  We may have to find a place to stay for a month or two.  I guess you can say my pity party is over and canceled.  Something tells me we will be just fine.

As to a post a did earlier this week about my family not liking my husband.  Robert is a good man who treats me good.  He works hard to try and support our family.  Like I said in a earlier post he is not perfect but at least he is not abusive or a drunk.  If my family doesn't like them it's okay I just ask that they respect my choices and treat him with respect.

Robert and I are working on starting a Cattle Ranch and my blogs will be very interesting since I grew up in the city.  I hope there are people out there who would like to follow me in the next chapter in my life.  Comment with your own stories I love to hear about other people.

We all have days where we think that life has dealt us a nasty hand.  If we would all just stop for a moment and look at the wonderful things in our lives and the beauty that is all around us, things don't look so bad.

Worried about a loved one.

I know I already posted today but I wanted to start another post.  This morning I have been talking to my Brother on Facebook.  His girlfriend is currently in jail for a parole violation.  Anyways, when she was arrested they found out that she was pregnant.  about a couple of weeks ago they thought that she may have miscarried the baby.  Then last week it was confirmed that she did in fact miscarry the baby.  This whole time my brother has been dealing with some depression issues.  Now that they lost the baby the things that he is saying are more worrisome than usual.  I'm trying to get him to go to a clinic by where he lives so he could talk to someone.

If there is one thing in this world that I have learned is suicide is never the answer.  I feel that if you give in to those thoughts of harming yourself then you are letting the negativity win.  I also, believe that if you consider yourself a failure then you will never amount to anything.  My life right now is pretty bad and sometimes it feels like no matter what I do it's wrong.  However, the one thing that I can always rely on is that the most important people in my life that are around me are healthy.

I am a firm believe that everything happens for a reason and that it is up to us to find that reason and work through.  I don't want to be mean to my brother however, maybe this is a sign that he needs to grow up and look at what he does not like in his life and change it.  I love my brother just because he is my brother and I will always worry about him.  However, him needing to grow up has been a long time coming.  Some may say that I am being heartless during his time of need.  Here's what I have to say about that...  Sometimes during the hardest times in our lives is when we need the biggest kick in the butt.

My Messy Life: Today is one of those days I should have stayed in...

My Messy Life: Today is one of those days I should have stayed in...: Today is one of those days I should have stayed in bed.  I wish people would stop telling me that I should leave my husband.  It seems that ...

Today is one of those days I should have stayed in bed.  I wish people would stop telling me that I should leave my husband.  It seems that most of my family does not like Robert.  I don't like my Step-father but I don't tell my mom that she should leave him.  We may have to move to Indiana, though I really don't want to if we have to we have to.  Robert is afraid that since most of my family wants me to leave him that I will.  No matter how many times that I tell him that I am not like that.  He still seems to think that I will leave him.  Robert thinks that when it comes down to it if we have to move out of state and if my mom says that if I don't leave Robert she will never talk to me again that I will leave him.

I know my husband is not perfect, but, most people are not perfect.  I can tell you that I am far from perfect.  In fact most people I know are not perfect and they are not in my life because I want perfect people around me.  I love the people in my life because I love them for who they are flaws and all.  I hope my mom does not make me choose between her and my husband because my husband will win.

I started this blog because I wanted to keep a record of my thoughts and whats going on in my life.  I also, thought that maybe there would people out there who would be able to give me insight to my life.  I can't imagine that I am the only one in the world that is going through something similar.

I know my mom gets mad because she worked so hard to hep me kick cancer's butt when I was a kid and it seems my body to already trying to give out.  The important thing about all that is the fact that I am here.  My body may be broken but I am here I have three beautiful daughters that I could not be more proud of.

Is anyone out there reading me???????

Good Morning All!
Well its Monday morning and it's raining outside!  The weather is mirroring my own mood.  I wonder do people really know about the fight going on inside when they see me?  Probably not, I guess that's a stupid question...  I try to stay strong for the girls yet it kills me to find out that they are so stressed about our situation.  I try to tell them that it is my job to do the worrying not theirs.  Of coarse that does not help at all.  I wish kids came with a manual then in times like this I would know how to handle it.  In stead I get cranky and yell at the drop of a hat.  Then I see the hurt in their eyes and it kills me a little more.  I'm tired of people telling me that I should just leave Robert that he is no good for me.  What they don't understand is that through all the bad times in the last 7 years he has never left my side.  How many other people that are on their high horse can honestly say that they have someone who has done that?

On a more positive note...  Since last week I have been coming up here to Love's Truck Stop to use their internet and to wait for Robert to get off work.  Any I had been talking to a gentleman about what's going on and this morning when I came in to get myself some breakfast he came up to me and paid for my breakfast with a $50 bill.  When I tried to give him his change he told me to keep it that I needed it more than him.  It really touched my heart.  I guess this means that the world in not full of heartless people like I was beginning to feel.  What's funny is he probably has no idea just how much he has changed my thoughts of the whole human race.  I know that there will always be the haters in the world it's just nice to know that there are still good people in the world.

Some people would say that I am doing nothing more than throwing myself a pity party.  I have just one thing to say to people who think they are better than me "I DON"T NEED YOU!!!!!"  Those people can just keep their thoughts to themselves.  They have not walked a mile in my shoes and if they want to tell me how to live my life I will take off my shoes and they can walk in them for a while and give me a break!

Well my life is messed up again.  Last week I got a message from our Landlord that he had sold the trailer we were living in and that we had two weeks to move.  I finally got them to change that for a full 4 weeks and now we have until May 23, 2015 to find a home where we can have the horses.  Since all this has started I have had a lot of negative messages from people I know.  I feel like no matter what I do its never going to satisfy some people.  I have a lot of people on my friends list for Facebook yet I feel like I have no friends.  I only have a few people in my life who have always been supportive of me.  All my friends have left me.  It makes me wonder what the FUCK did I do to make this happen.

I'm trying to raise money to help us find a place to live and it has only raised $50 that is not going to do anything.  I post my Gofundme.com on Facebook hoping that I can get a little help and all I get is NEGATIVE messages.  I'm sorry I am only human and my life is not as perfect as those people or that I'm not a perfect person and SHIT HAPPENS!

I will be 38 years old in about a month and a half I have one child who hates me.  The only thing I can say is I'm sorry I am not married to a lawyer or a doctor.  I don't have a lot of money in fact I usually have no money.  The only thing I can offer my children is my unconditional love.  No matter what she thinks that love will never change.  I wish she did not have to shoot daggers into my heart but I guess I just have to deal with the hurt silently.

We have three weeks to find a place to live that we can afford and keep our horses yet I'm sure they will end up going to a rescue.  I have to decide which of the dogs I get to keep.  I hate that it falls on my shoulders but it hurts that its the dogs that we have because I wanted them.  Its the ones that seem to get on most peoples nerves.  Feeling pretty low right now I just don't know what to do anymore.  I'm trying to live my life the way I wanted to and keep my family happy and I fail all the time.

I'm just tired!!!!!!!!!!!