Good Morning All!
It may be gray and cold outside however, I have a new prospective on life. I talked to the FSA today and it really looks like things are going to be okay. We may have to find a place to stay for a month or two. I guess you can say my pity party is over and canceled. Something tells me we will be just fine.
As to a post a did earlier this week about my family not liking my husband. Robert is a good man who treats me good. He works hard to try and support our family. Like I said in a earlier post he is not perfect but at least he is not abusive or a drunk. If my family doesn't like them it's okay I just ask that they respect my choices and treat him with respect.
Robert and I are working on starting a Cattle Ranch and my blogs will be very interesting since I grew up in the city. I hope there are people out there who would like to follow me in the next chapter in my life. Comment with your own stories I love to hear about other people.
We all have days where we think that life has dealt us a nasty hand. If we would all just stop for a moment and look at the wonderful things in our lives and the beauty that is all around us, things don't look so bad.
Wednesday, May 6, 2015
Tuesday, May 5, 2015
Worried about a loved one.
I know I already posted today but I wanted to start another post. This morning I have been talking to my Brother on Facebook. His girlfriend is currently in jail for a parole violation. Anyways, when she was arrested they found out that she was pregnant. about a couple of weeks ago they thought that she may have miscarried the baby. Then last week it was confirmed that she did in fact miscarry the baby. This whole time my brother has been dealing with some depression issues. Now that they lost the baby the things that he is saying are more worrisome than usual. I'm trying to get him to go to a clinic by where he lives so he could talk to someone.
If there is one thing in this world that I have learned is suicide is never the answer. I feel that if you give in to those thoughts of harming yourself then you are letting the negativity win. I also, believe that if you consider yourself a failure then you will never amount to anything. My life right now is pretty bad and sometimes it feels like no matter what I do it's wrong. However, the one thing that I can always rely on is that the most important people in my life that are around me are healthy.
I am a firm believe that everything happens for a reason and that it is up to us to find that reason and work through. I don't want to be mean to my brother however, maybe this is a sign that he needs to grow up and look at what he does not like in his life and change it. I love my brother just because he is my brother and I will always worry about him. However, him needing to grow up has been a long time coming. Some may say that I am being heartless during his time of need. Here's what I have to say about that... Sometimes during the hardest times in our lives is when we need the biggest kick in the butt.
If there is one thing in this world that I have learned is suicide is never the answer. I feel that if you give in to those thoughts of harming yourself then you are letting the negativity win. I also, believe that if you consider yourself a failure then you will never amount to anything. My life right now is pretty bad and sometimes it feels like no matter what I do it's wrong. However, the one thing that I can always rely on is that the most important people in my life that are around me are healthy.
I am a firm believe that everything happens for a reason and that it is up to us to find that reason and work through. I don't want to be mean to my brother however, maybe this is a sign that he needs to grow up and look at what he does not like in his life and change it. I love my brother just because he is my brother and I will always worry about him. However, him needing to grow up has been a long time coming. Some may say that I am being heartless during his time of need. Here's what I have to say about that... Sometimes during the hardest times in our lives is when we need the biggest kick in the butt.
My Messy Life: Today is one of those days I should have stayed in...
My Messy Life: Today is one of those days I should have stayed in...: Today is one of those days I should have stayed in bed. I wish people would stop telling me that I should leave my husband. It seems that ...
Today is one of those days I should have stayed in bed. I wish people would stop telling me that I should leave my husband. It seems that most of my family does not like Robert. I don't like my Step-father but I don't tell my mom that she should leave him. We may have to move to Indiana, though I really don't want to if we have to we have to. Robert is afraid that since most of my family wants me to leave him that I will. No matter how many times that I tell him that I am not like that. He still seems to think that I will leave him. Robert thinks that when it comes down to it if we have to move out of state and if my mom says that if I don't leave Robert she will never talk to me again that I will leave him.
I know my husband is not perfect, but, most people are not perfect. I can tell you that I am far from perfect. In fact most people I know are not perfect and they are not in my life because I want perfect people around me. I love the people in my life because I love them for who they are flaws and all. I hope my mom does not make me choose between her and my husband because my husband will win.
I started this blog because I wanted to keep a record of my thoughts and whats going on in my life. I also, thought that maybe there would people out there who would be able to give me insight to my life. I can't imagine that I am the only one in the world that is going through something similar.
I know my mom gets mad because she worked so hard to hep me kick cancer's butt when I was a kid and it seems my body to already trying to give out. The important thing about all that is the fact that I am here. My body may be broken but I am here I have three beautiful daughters that I could not be more proud of.
Is anyone out there reading me???????
I know my husband is not perfect, but, most people are not perfect. I can tell you that I am far from perfect. In fact most people I know are not perfect and they are not in my life because I want perfect people around me. I love the people in my life because I love them for who they are flaws and all. I hope my mom does not make me choose between her and my husband because my husband will win.
I started this blog because I wanted to keep a record of my thoughts and whats going on in my life. I also, thought that maybe there would people out there who would be able to give me insight to my life. I can't imagine that I am the only one in the world that is going through something similar.
I know my mom gets mad because she worked so hard to hep me kick cancer's butt when I was a kid and it seems my body to already trying to give out. The important thing about all that is the fact that I am here. My body may be broken but I am here I have three beautiful daughters that I could not be more proud of.
Is anyone out there reading me???????
Monday, May 4, 2015
Good Morning All!
Well its Monday morning and it's raining outside! The weather is mirroring my own mood. I wonder do people really know about the fight going on inside when they see me? Probably not, I guess that's a stupid question... I try to stay strong for the girls yet it kills me to find out that they are so stressed about our situation. I try to tell them that it is my job to do the worrying not theirs. Of coarse that does not help at all. I wish kids came with a manual then in times like this I would know how to handle it. In stead I get cranky and yell at the drop of a hat. Then I see the hurt in their eyes and it kills me a little more. I'm tired of people telling me that I should just leave Robert that he is no good for me. What they don't understand is that through all the bad times in the last 7 years he has never left my side. How many other people that are on their high horse can honestly say that they have someone who has done that?
On a more positive note... Since last week I have been coming up here to Love's Truck Stop to use their internet and to wait for Robert to get off work. Any I had been talking to a gentleman about what's going on and this morning when I came in to get myself some breakfast he came up to me and paid for my breakfast with a $50 bill. When I tried to give him his change he told me to keep it that I needed it more than him. It really touched my heart. I guess this means that the world in not full of heartless people like I was beginning to feel. What's funny is he probably has no idea just how much he has changed my thoughts of the whole human race. I know that there will always be the haters in the world it's just nice to know that there are still good people in the world.
Some people would say that I am doing nothing more than throwing myself a pity party. I have just one thing to say to people who think they are better than me "I DON"T NEED YOU!!!!!" Those people can just keep their thoughts to themselves. They have not walked a mile in my shoes and if they want to tell me how to live my life I will take off my shoes and they can walk in them for a while and give me a break!
Well its Monday morning and it's raining outside! The weather is mirroring my own mood. I wonder do people really know about the fight going on inside when they see me? Probably not, I guess that's a stupid question... I try to stay strong for the girls yet it kills me to find out that they are so stressed about our situation. I try to tell them that it is my job to do the worrying not theirs. Of coarse that does not help at all. I wish kids came with a manual then in times like this I would know how to handle it. In stead I get cranky and yell at the drop of a hat. Then I see the hurt in their eyes and it kills me a little more. I'm tired of people telling me that I should just leave Robert that he is no good for me. What they don't understand is that through all the bad times in the last 7 years he has never left my side. How many other people that are on their high horse can honestly say that they have someone who has done that?
On a more positive note... Since last week I have been coming up here to Love's Truck Stop to use their internet and to wait for Robert to get off work. Any I had been talking to a gentleman about what's going on and this morning when I came in to get myself some breakfast he came up to me and paid for my breakfast with a $50 bill. When I tried to give him his change he told me to keep it that I needed it more than him. It really touched my heart. I guess this means that the world in not full of heartless people like I was beginning to feel. What's funny is he probably has no idea just how much he has changed my thoughts of the whole human race. I know that there will always be the haters in the world it's just nice to know that there are still good people in the world.
Some people would say that I am doing nothing more than throwing myself a pity party. I have just one thing to say to people who think they are better than me "I DON"T NEED YOU!!!!!" Those people can just keep their thoughts to themselves. They have not walked a mile in my shoes and if they want to tell me how to live my life I will take off my shoes and they can walk in them for a while and give me a break!
Wednesday, April 29, 2015
Well my life is messed up again. Last week I got a message from our Landlord that he had sold the trailer we were living in and that we had two weeks to move. I finally got them to change that for a full 4 weeks and now we have until May 23, 2015 to find a home where we can have the horses. Since all this has started I have had a lot of negative messages from people I know. I feel like no matter what I do its never going to satisfy some people. I have a lot of people on my friends list for Facebook yet I feel like I have no friends. I only have a few people in my life who have always been supportive of me. All my friends have left me. It makes me wonder what the FUCK did I do to make this happen.
I'm trying to raise money to help us find a place to live and it has only raised $50 that is not going to do anything. I post my Gofundme.com on Facebook hoping that I can get a little help and all I get is NEGATIVE messages. I'm sorry I am only human and my life is not as perfect as those people or that I'm not a perfect person and SHIT HAPPENS!
I will be 38 years old in about a month and a half I have one child who hates me. The only thing I can say is I'm sorry I am not married to a lawyer or a doctor. I don't have a lot of money in fact I usually have no money. The only thing I can offer my children is my unconditional love. No matter what she thinks that love will never change. I wish she did not have to shoot daggers into my heart but I guess I just have to deal with the hurt silently.
We have three weeks to find a place to live that we can afford and keep our horses yet I'm sure they will end up going to a rescue. I have to decide which of the dogs I get to keep. I hate that it falls on my shoulders but it hurts that its the dogs that we have because I wanted them. Its the ones that seem to get on most peoples nerves. Feeling pretty low right now I just don't know what to do anymore. I'm trying to live my life the way I wanted to and keep my family happy and I fail all the time.
I'm just tired!!!!!!!!!!!
I'm trying to raise money to help us find a place to live and it has only raised $50 that is not going to do anything. I post my Gofundme.com on Facebook hoping that I can get a little help and all I get is NEGATIVE messages. I'm sorry I am only human and my life is not as perfect as those people or that I'm not a perfect person and SHIT HAPPENS!
I will be 38 years old in about a month and a half I have one child who hates me. The only thing I can say is I'm sorry I am not married to a lawyer or a doctor. I don't have a lot of money in fact I usually have no money. The only thing I can offer my children is my unconditional love. No matter what she thinks that love will never change. I wish she did not have to shoot daggers into my heart but I guess I just have to deal with the hurt silently.
We have three weeks to find a place to live that we can afford and keep our horses yet I'm sure they will end up going to a rescue. I have to decide which of the dogs I get to keep. I hate that it falls on my shoulders but it hurts that its the dogs that we have because I wanted them. Its the ones that seem to get on most peoples nerves. Feeling pretty low right now I just don't know what to do anymore. I'm trying to live my life the way I wanted to and keep my family happy and I fail all the time.
I'm just tired!!!!!!!!!!!
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